Sunday, June 28, 2009
I remembered when we touched down in Singapore after the grueling 3 weeks in Taiwan, the thing in my mind was, "So where am I going after I graduate? What will I be doing? What kind of people will I meet....." endless questions and uncertainties about the future.
During my last week in ASLC, I asked my Section Instructor, "Is it better to go to unit or go BMTC?"
He answered me with a laugh, "Of course unit la!".
Since most of my section mates were hoping to go BMTC, I was more inclined to go BMTC though at the back of my mind I wouldn't mind going unit.
It was a huge shock when 5 out of 8 section mates went BMTC, 2 (including myself) to unit, and 1 at GSAB (which then, we had no freaking idea what that was). I was slightly depressed that I didn't get to go BMTC. Not that I wanted to go BMTC so badly, but only four people from my platoon is going 5 SIR, of whom, I was close to none. The feeling of uncertainty lurked, and when my PWO learned that I was going to 5 SIR, he wished me good luck. That ambiguous comment fueled my insecurity further.
It has been 10 months. We haven't met since as a section. I hope the next outing will work out.
I miss my ASLC guys, my BSLC guys and my BMT platoon mates. Those days that one another were indispensable. Though training was full of shit, tekan and unreasonable demands, we pulled it through with the help of one another. Surely, there were chao keng kias and wayang bastards. There were also who would always appear at your most desperate moments. The sense of togetherness, brotherhood, was all that made the tough get going.
Today, when I see my peers sitting together with their men talking crap during admin time, I felt left out.
It feels like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.
When I talk about this sense of emptiness to my superiors, my Ex-Dy told me,
"You need a great deal of motivation and determination to really do your job properly in HQ because of a lack of recognition. The company line people depend on you guys to look after their training requirements. It is not their nature to thank you for getting things done because that is expected of you. Anything more would be a bonus to them, but less is not an option."
My Ops SGT told me,
"13th Mono was like the peak of my career in army, with my ATGM platoon. Being awarded a total of 3 certificates by ATEC for excellent performance during Stage 2 was a great honour, which would not have been possible with all the men under me. However, I don't think I will do very well this mono in S3 Branch. Just look at how we are being treated."
And one of my spec in HQ told me,
"We are recognised only if we screw up."
Sometimes I wish that there is a device which can make two person switch their roles for a couple of days. I really want to know how it feels to be taking a section, and let those specs at the company line have a taste of what we do.
Maybe, I will be thrown back as a section commander during ORNS, looking at the number of down-graded sect comd at the company line and over-estab of HQ specs.
Have the best of both worlds? Yeah, but you belong to none of the both, a reject of both worlds.
I should just stop thinking so much. After all, everything shall end in 4 months time.
End my torment.
During my last week in ASLC, I asked my Section Instructor, "Is it better to go to unit or go BMTC?"
He answered me with a laugh, "Of course unit la!".
Since most of my section mates were hoping to go BMTC, I was more inclined to go BMTC though at the back of my mind I wouldn't mind going unit.
It was a huge shock when 5 out of 8 section mates went BMTC, 2 (including myself) to unit, and 1 at GSAB (which then, we had no freaking idea what that was). I was slightly depressed that I didn't get to go BMTC. Not that I wanted to go BMTC so badly, but only four people from my platoon is going 5 SIR, of whom, I was close to none. The feeling of uncertainty lurked, and when my PWO learned that I was going to 5 SIR, he wished me good luck. That ambiguous comment fueled my insecurity further.
It has been 10 months. We haven't met since as a section. I hope the next outing will work out.
I miss my ASLC guys, my BSLC guys and my BMT platoon mates. Those days that one another were indispensable. Though training was full of shit, tekan and unreasonable demands, we pulled it through with the help of one another. Surely, there were chao keng kias and wayang bastards. There were also who would always appear at your most desperate moments. The sense of togetherness, brotherhood, was all that made the tough get going.
Today, when I see my peers sitting together with their men talking crap during admin time, I felt left out.
It feels like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.
When I talk about this sense of emptiness to my superiors, my Ex-Dy told me,
"You need a great deal of motivation and determination to really do your job properly in HQ because of a lack of recognition. The company line people depend on you guys to look after their training requirements. It is not their nature to thank you for getting things done because that is expected of you. Anything more would be a bonus to them, but less is not an option."
My Ops SGT told me,
"13th Mono was like the peak of my career in army, with my ATGM platoon. Being awarded a total of 3 certificates by ATEC for excellent performance during Stage 2 was a great honour, which would not have been possible with all the men under me. However, I don't think I will do very well this mono in S3 Branch. Just look at how we are being treated."
And one of my spec in HQ told me,
"We are recognised only if we screw up."
Sometimes I wish that there is a device which can make two person switch their roles for a couple of days. I really want to know how it feels to be taking a section, and let those specs at the company line have a taste of what we do.
Maybe, I will be thrown back as a section commander during ORNS, looking at the number of down-graded sect comd at the company line and over-estab of HQ specs.
Have the best of both worlds? Yeah, but you belong to none of the both, a reject of both worlds.
I should just stop thinking so much. After all, everything shall end in 4 months time.
End my torment.
sharkfin fullstopped here