Thursday, January 29, 2009
Just came back home from a LAN session with my peeps in my coy.
We didn't have enough people so we played 4 on 5 AI and then 5 on 5 AI. I prefer to play with AI. It feels more like a team. Though it is more challenging with human players, but that will mean that there has to be a loser and a winning team. No one wants to be the losing team (especially in a really thrashing game). Given the fact that I am not really very good with DOTA. Haha. But hey, I didn't get last in my team for both rounds =)
This is not the firstillegal LAN session. We had two before. But I didn't participate in both because I was too busy doing my own branch work. Sometimes I must confess that I am using that as an excuse to not participate in a lot of activities. Hm. But anyway, it is illegal because there isn't an official nights out for my company but one of the big boss just bring us out for the night. hah. Everytime they go they will come back at like 2330? which is another reason why I don't really like to participate.. It is not that we have nothing to do the next day.. and yeah. I like to sleep =)
Today is also the day that I first sit in a car driven by my friend (and you should be able to infer that the car does not belong to him, otherwise I will have put it more simply). He drove S3's car out today to Bukit Panjang Plaza to buy a cake for my senior ops sergeant. It is really fun because I have only sat in my parent's car last time.. and now I am actually.. old enough to learn and drive on my own - yet. I was really glad that my branch likes the cake that we have bought. It made all the efforts to go down and shop worthwhile. Heh.
When I was at BPP, I saw many HC students hanging around. For a moment I totally forgot that I am in green, boots, short hair. I thought I am one of them, walking around looking for a nice restaurant to sit down and eat together. I had no other responsibilies other than my own self. I just have to study hard and do well in whatever I am committed to. For a second or two the thought of AWOLing came across my mind. On the way back, I told my friend the nostaligia I felt back in the shopping centre - and we started reflecting on our life in camp. Come to think of it, I am already pretty much enjoying my life. In the middle of the working hours, we can come out to a civillian area. We got to be able to sit in S3's car, S1's van, and others. I get to wake up at 0600Hrs everyday (instead of 0515), having one LAN game session every week. More importantly, I have a great DYS3 who is always motivating me and listen to all my stupid complaints, a Ops SGT who is sometimes super crappy and makes a joke out of everything that makes people laugh until tears drop, a fellow Ops Spec who is not afraid of talking back to superiors when they are in the wrong, and of course, a S3 who can make prompt decisions whenever we have queries.
Okay, that is really a lot of positive comments - and that is because I really enjoyed today.
Oh yeah, until now, I still don't know if I am going Tekong. >.< half of me wants to go because I want to see my friends who are posted to Tekong. On the other hand, it is not a bad idea to stay back also.. feels like back in UIP again. haha.
*****************
S1 told us (myself, Charles (the S1 Spec), Jun Yang (he who drove S3's car. I decided to reveal his name now) a story of his previous 13th Mono S1 Clerk. It just so happen that he talked to us about it because I was complaining to S1 that why his clerks are mostly so screwed up. He told us that in the last mono, there was this particular rifleman in the company line. He was diagnosed with some genetic diseases and would only have a few years to live. Under such circumstances, he would not have even served his National Service. However, he expressed his interest to continue his service with 5 SIR - even as a clerk. Hence he was downgraded to E9L9 so that he can serve with minimum strain on his body. S1 said that he is probably the most hardworking and kilat clerk that he would ever have.
I didn't ask S1 if he is still in contact with the particular clerk. But upon hearing this, I was really touched. He knew that he had limited lifetime left - so he put in his best in whatever he does. He wanted to leave no regrets. To me, I thought, do we really need to be declared with a chronic disease before we start living our life as we have always wanted it to be? The sole reason that we don't do it is because we think that we always have another day. We all know that we will die one day. Yet we are all waiting until our life is given an expiry date
So what are you waiting for?
Treasure your one-way ticket to live this life because only you are answerable to yourself - whether or not you have live your life the way you want it to be.
We didn't have enough people so we played 4 on 5 AI and then 5 on 5 AI. I prefer to play with AI. It feels more like a team. Though it is more challenging with human players, but that will mean that there has to be a loser and a winning team. No one wants to be the losing team (especially in a really thrashing game). Given the fact that I am not really very good with DOTA. Haha. But hey, I didn't get last in my team for both rounds =)
This is not the first
Today is also the day that I first sit in a car driven by my friend (and you should be able to infer that the car does not belong to him, otherwise I will have put it more simply). He drove S3's car out today to Bukit Panjang Plaza to buy a cake for my senior ops sergeant. It is really fun because I have only sat in my parent's car last time.. and now I am actually.. old enough to learn and drive on my own - yet. I was really glad that my branch likes the cake that we have bought. It made all the efforts to go down and shop worthwhile. Heh.
When I was at BPP, I saw many HC students hanging around. For a moment I totally forgot that I am in green, boots, short hair. I thought I am one of them, walking around looking for a nice restaurant to sit down and eat together. I had no other responsibilies other than my own self. I just have to study hard and do well in whatever I am committed to. For a second or two the thought of AWOLing came across my mind. On the way back, I told my friend the nostaligia I felt back in the shopping centre - and we started reflecting on our life in camp. Come to think of it, I am already pretty much enjoying my life. In the middle of the working hours, we can come out to a civillian area. We got to be able to sit in S3's car, S1's van, and others. I get to wake up at 0600Hrs everyday (instead of 0515), having one LAN game session every week. More importantly, I have a great DYS3 who is always motivating me and listen to all my stupid complaints, a Ops SGT who is sometimes super crappy and makes a joke out of everything that makes people laugh until tears drop, a fellow Ops Spec who is not afraid of talking back to superiors when they are in the wrong, and of course, a S3 who can make prompt decisions whenever we have queries.
Okay, that is really a lot of positive comments - and that is because I really enjoyed today.
Oh yeah, until now, I still don't know if I am going Tekong. >.< half of me wants to go because I want to see my friends who are posted to Tekong. On the other hand, it is not a bad idea to stay back also.. feels like back in UIP again. haha.
*****************
S1 told us (myself, Charles (the S1 Spec), Jun Yang (he who drove S3's car. I decided to reveal his name now) a story of his previous 13th Mono S1 Clerk. It just so happen that he talked to us about it because I was complaining to S1 that why his clerks are mostly so screwed up. He told us that in the last mono, there was this particular rifleman in the company line. He was diagnosed with some genetic diseases and would only have a few years to live. Under such circumstances, he would not have even served his National Service. However, he expressed his interest to continue his service with 5 SIR - even as a clerk. Hence he was downgraded to E9L9 so that he can serve with minimum strain on his body. S1 said that he is probably the most hardworking and kilat clerk that he would ever have.
I didn't ask S1 if he is still in contact with the particular clerk. But upon hearing this, I was really touched. He knew that he had limited lifetime left - so he put in his best in whatever he does. He wanted to leave no regrets. To me, I thought, do we really need to be declared with a chronic disease before we start living our life as we have always wanted it to be? The sole reason that we don't do it is because we think that we always have another day. We all know that we will die one day. Yet we are all waiting until our life is given an expiry date
So what are you waiting for?
Treasure your one-way ticket to live this life because only you are answerable to yourself - whether or not you have live your life the way you want it to be.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Friday, January 23, 2009
I dont wanna talk
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
Ive played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
Ive played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......
sharkfin fullstopped here
Friday, January 16, 2009
Suddenly I am seeing many new faces in my company. We have got 5 new guys posted to us this week, one ORD, and one going to ORD next week.
The turn-over rate is just so high, and don't know how much paper wasted just to keep printing the updated attendance sheet.
I am beginning to get annoyed when other people don't do their job properly. It is all about roles and responsibilities man. If you are on duty, some things are expected of you. It is not a matter of "please help me" or "I am not free". I am talking more pertaining to COS duty. In fact, COS duty itself isn't complicated, it is the stand-in that is giving a lot of trouble.
Current situation: anyone who is free will stand-in.
Problem: There may be times when everyone is not free, or on book out day when everyone will book out except the COS himself.
Proposed solution: appoint a stand-in (preferably COS the day before or the day after)
I don't like a system for every single damn thing we have to do. A system is rigid. It does not distinguish people who are free and people who are not. You can't appoint someone who is super busy on that day to stand-in just because he is the COS the day before. Likewise, you could have chosen someone else to do because he is free, even though he may not be doing his duty the day before.
So on one end, it is a rigid system for everyone to abide by. On the other, we trust that everyone will contribute a fair share of time to help out one another.
Sadly to say, I have succumb to the inadequacy of the latter case. I have painted too a scenario too idealist to exist. The world isn't a Utopia, I cannot expect everyone to be so considerate. As such, I have been given a time limit to disappear from camp today. Suits me, I want to zao first anyway. Sadly to say, everyone just disappear from the camp like that. No one to conduct last parade for the RPs. No one to man the office. No one to ensure that the men sign the book in book out book properly.
Therefore, I agreed with DYS3 to enforce the stand-in system. I am gonna draft out a detailed guideline so there is no excuse. I hate to do it because a system is rigid. It ensures everyone shares equal responsibilities (though not necessarily the best way to allocate).
I have wanted to believe in people. but they just disappoint me from time to time.
Fortunately, there are still a few individuals that I have my 100% trust with.
The turn-over rate is just so high, and don't know how much paper wasted just to keep printing the updated attendance sheet.
I am beginning to get annoyed when other people don't do their job properly. It is all about roles and responsibilities man. If you are on duty, some things are expected of you. It is not a matter of "please help me" or "I am not free". I am talking more pertaining to COS duty. In fact, COS duty itself isn't complicated, it is the stand-in that is giving a lot of trouble.
Current situation: anyone who is free will stand-in.
Problem: There may be times when everyone is not free, or on book out day when everyone will book out except the COS himself.
Proposed solution: appoint a stand-in (preferably COS the day before or the day after)
I don't like a system for every single damn thing we have to do. A system is rigid. It does not distinguish people who are free and people who are not. You can't appoint someone who is super busy on that day to stand-in just because he is the COS the day before. Likewise, you could have chosen someone else to do because he is free, even though he may not be doing his duty the day before.
So on one end, it is a rigid system for everyone to abide by. On the other, we trust that everyone will contribute a fair share of time to help out one another.
Sadly to say, I have succumb to the inadequacy of the latter case. I have painted too a scenario too idealist to exist. The world isn't a Utopia, I cannot expect everyone to be so considerate. As such, I have been given a time limit to disappear from camp today. Suits me, I want to zao first anyway. Sadly to say, everyone just disappear from the camp like that. No one to conduct last parade for the RPs. No one to man the office. No one to ensure that the men sign the book in book out book properly.
Therefore, I agreed with DYS3 to enforce the stand-in system. I am gonna draft out a detailed guideline so there is no excuse. I hate to do it because a system is rigid. It ensures everyone shares equal responsibilities (though not necessarily the best way to allocate).
I have wanted to believe in people. but they just disappoint me from time to time.
Fortunately, there are still a few individuals that I have my 100% trust with.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
This week is just so moody for me, even though it is just two days into the week.
****************
If I describe the days in my early days in Bn HQ as heaven, now I must be back to the mortal plane - and that means there will be more things in for me.
I think I am becoming more and more left out with the company line people.
And my Ex-S3 told me that the moment I am posted in to S3 branch, I am destined to go to hell.
It is very true.
In terms of workload, I can't imagine how to manage without my partner's help. I can't be taking care of the vehicles movements while still have to worry about whether the window period for the men to take their respective yearly requirements is closing.
A lot of things are still on the job - I learn as I carry out my task. Everyday I am learning something new. You know what, when my understudy is coming in, I will make sure they are familiar with all the administrative work so that they can concentrate on their outfield exercises more. I understand the pain of not having a proper upper study, and all the shit that is leftover have to be tanked by the two of us.
Just to share, the 13th mono ORD-ed men have not gotten their monetary award for CS after half a year. The situation is so complicated that I will not be able to tell who is at fault. Everyone (and yes that includes me) has a share. Yet we cannot tell the men that when they start calling on 10 Jan that why are they not getting their rightful money again. Someone has to be answerable - and that is me - for something that is not entirely my fault, I have to be responsible. That is really annoying because you are still unfamiliar and people are accusing you of not doing your job properly when you have already tried your best to do everything that you know of.
I really feel ashamed for my contributions to the complications in the whole case. Due to my passiveness, incapability and too-nice-a-guy, I am unable to get people to work, to give me what I need, to deliver what I must. My Ex-S3 told me that I must "play bastard" when there is a need to be, and not just him, my Staff is also telling me that. They say I should not be compromising everyone and making their life easier while sacrificing myself. There is a job and role for everyone to play and it is only right to screw those who do the bare minimum and cause a hard time to all others. That is the problem with admin work. Many people fail to understand that by completing their task is not the end to the whole case. Just take military transport indent for example. On the end-user side, it is not the end of the story to just raise the request! Even though we give them a guideline to how many days in advance they have to let us know, but they simply refuse to tell us earlier. What is wrong with informing us when you know you have a detail going out in two weeks time the moment you have it? All the more we will be happy to entertain you because I know I have two week of buffer and I can find my time to put up that indent request slowly if I happen to be busy on that day. In a second case scenario where someone raise the request just on the deadline for submission, I have no choice but to entertain and put aside all my work because if I don't do that I will miss the deadline and they may not be able to get the details. So it is not the end of story when the end user puts up the request. My branch has to do follow up actions, tying down with the MTL, ensure that the drivers are informed of any instructions for them. This is the simplest form of admin work because it just involes three parties - end user, us, and the MTL. This problem of "taking your own sweet time to complete what you need to do" will be manifested exponentially as the number of parties involved increases. It is just like the slowest step will determine the rate of the reaction. How fast the end product can be produced is dependent on who is dragging the whole case. For example, some of my superios went for a course and they need to know their results of the course. Being in S3 Branch, they will automatically come to me and ask for me. So I have to send a message out to the external unit conducting this course and request for this results. In the first few e-mails that I send, I did not get a response. My superiors continue to bug me for the results so I have no choice but to call them personally. In the end I realise I have been looking for the wrong person (and the receiving end refused to tell me that I have contacted the wrong branch and instead, ignored my request, leaving me hanging). So I got into contacts with the right people and they have got their people to do. Two weeks have passed since I have raised the request but until now, I have no concrete results apart from the fact that they told me they are still searching for it. Without those results, a lot of follow-up actions have been affected and delayed because of incapable people on their side. They don't see the urgency in those results because we are the ones requesting and they are "doing us a favour". Wtf, and I am here on this side getting pressured everyday.
Seriously, that is why I get tired of all these crap already. I am getting screwed for reasons that are not caused by me and they still say that we are inefficient. I guess that is why the Ex-S3 says if you don't play bastard and call them everyday, you will be on their last priority. If everyone can just do what they need to do, be a little bit more proactive and get things done as soon as possible, I won't be typing this blog entry already. To add oil to the fire, no one seems to understand my situation. On my part I am lazy to explain to them because it won't help me to get things done, on their end they keep saying I only know how to sit in office and relax. Wtf, if you don't understand then don't anyhow say. You have your own problems to face and I have mine. These superficial understanding of how we work shows how shallow their thinking is. The recruits say QM branch good life, but are they willing to carry 400+ duffle bags for the whole Bn during the enlistment exercise? Are they willing to carry 600+ dumbbells from other units to camp for the recruits to train? Sometimes people have taken things for granted. They expect everything to be in place, to be available to them, effortlessly. Things don't magically appear in the stores, vehicles don't drop from the sky for you, rations don't appear in your plates just like that. People have to carry, people have to drive to camp, people have to cook for you. All these need people to make it happen. Sadly to say, I was once a culprit who expects everything to be there all the time. But how I have taken a whole new perspective of how things work in a bigger picture. Everyone has a role to play, it is only right to do your duties faithfully, but it is not right to judge whether or not the other people are doing a fucked up job, because only you yourself can answer that question.
**********************
Today I too the HQ IPPT cat test. You know what, I am deeply disappointed.
I did not know that my physical fitness has deterioriated so much. I thought I should have done btter than that. At first I attributed it to the jobscope that I have now, but my fellow specs in HQ can maintain (in fact, doing better) their physical fitness, I am the only few going in the reverse direction.
So, what? After one year of army, it has failed to cultivate in me, a sense of doing physical training regularly and result to being "forced" in the sense of a routine training programme to exercise to keep up my fitness. Something is very wrong here.
I don't hit the gym, I don't do PT at home during the weekend. Plus I am not talented in physical sports. It will only be a huge contradiction to what I have written so far in this entry that I acheive a gold in IPPT (in case you have forgotten, things don't magically appear and somebody has to make the effort to do it). Just like what my mum always tells me - if you don't study, unless you are a genius, don't even dream about scoring. There is no such thing as a free-lunch, and someone who cheats is only a free-rider that spoils the market. The most ironic thing here is, I know all these principles, yet I am not doing something about it. Personally, I feel a strong dislike towards playing sports. Maybe it is my character or what, but it just feels "not me" to be playing basketball or soccer. Okay, maybe I am just lousy and I refuse to show people how 'capable' I am.
Isn't that so? People like me just want to stay in their comfort zone and not willing to do something different in their life.
I hope my disappointment after seeing today's result will motivate me to sort it out.
*********************
One of my good friends is currently at m113 course.
It is good to go for courses. You get to know people, learn new things, and more importantly, to take a break.
Another good friend of mine is going int course next monday. He will be gone for one month.
My mood has been somewhat, affected by these news.
How should I put it.. it is something like you want to go for somerandom course but there is none. You are stuck here, with a bigger trouble because the most capable person in the people I always work with is now officially MIA for one month.
How? You tell me how. Who is going to ensure and make the men fall in on time? Who is going to tell the men off when they misbehave? Who is going to make us smile, when we are low in morale? I told him that Bn HQ will fall when he leaves. On that actual day, what I forsee is already coming true. The truth is, we are not helping ourselves! How are we going to expect the men to fall in on time for breakfast, when some of us are not even present! What are we going to tell them, when they ask why this sergeant still sleeping why that sergeant not here for breakfast? We are not taking recruits. We are taking trained soldiers, who have more experience in army than us. If we don't earn their respect by showing them we are doing it ourselves, how are we going to earn their respect to control them? By making that statement, I am not saying that I am not part of the lot contributing to these negative image to the men. I myself do not have the morale courage to tell them off when they are in the wrong. What I did at best is to talk to them individually, but never address them in the whole group. I am trying to change that, to be firm when giving them instructions. But that will take time. More importantly, immediate actions that should have taken is to do what we expect the men to do, at the very least. You cannot expect them to clean up a bunk cleaner than ours, and you cannot expect them to respect you, if you can't even talk to them properly.
I don't know. It is just so screwed up. Now that he is leaving, I only fear for the worst.
I feel the strong urge to do something about this. Play bastard, play bastard. Seriously, I should.
P.S. I am really sorry for acting up and being so dao these two days. I promise I will manage my emotions better next time. Yes, I promise.
****************
If I describe the days in my early days in Bn HQ as heaven, now I must be back to the mortal plane - and that means there will be more things in for me.
I think I am becoming more and more left out with the company line people.
And my Ex-S3 told me that the moment I am posted in to S3 branch, I am destined to go to hell.
It is very true.
In terms of workload, I can't imagine how to manage without my partner's help. I can't be taking care of the vehicles movements while still have to worry about whether the window period for the men to take their respective yearly requirements is closing.
A lot of things are still on the job - I learn as I carry out my task. Everyday I am learning something new. You know what, when my understudy is coming in, I will make sure they are familiar with all the administrative work so that they can concentrate on their outfield exercises more. I understand the pain of not having a proper upper study, and all the shit that is leftover have to be tanked by the two of us.
Just to share, the 13th mono ORD-ed men have not gotten their monetary award for CS after half a year. The situation is so complicated that I will not be able to tell who is at fault. Everyone (and yes that includes me) has a share. Yet we cannot tell the men that when they start calling on 10 Jan that why are they not getting their rightful money again. Someone has to be answerable - and that is me - for something that is not entirely my fault, I have to be responsible. That is really annoying because you are still unfamiliar and people are accusing you of not doing your job properly when you have already tried your best to do everything that you know of.
I really feel ashamed for my contributions to the complications in the whole case. Due to my passiveness, incapability and too-nice-a-guy, I am unable to get people to work, to give me what I need, to deliver what I must. My Ex-S3 told me that I must "play bastard" when there is a need to be, and not just him, my Staff is also telling me that. They say I should not be compromising everyone and making their life easier while sacrificing myself. There is a job and role for everyone to play and it is only right to screw those who do the bare minimum and cause a hard time to all others. That is the problem with admin work. Many people fail to understand that by completing their task is not the end to the whole case. Just take military transport indent for example. On the end-user side, it is not the end of the story to just raise the request! Even though we give them a guideline to how many days in advance they have to let us know, but they simply refuse to tell us earlier. What is wrong with informing us when you know you have a detail going out in two weeks time the moment you have it? All the more we will be happy to entertain you because I know I have two week of buffer and I can find my time to put up that indent request slowly if I happen to be busy on that day. In a second case scenario where someone raise the request just on the deadline for submission, I have no choice but to entertain and put aside all my work because if I don't do that I will miss the deadline and they may not be able to get the details. So it is not the end of story when the end user puts up the request. My branch has to do follow up actions, tying down with the MTL, ensure that the drivers are informed of any instructions for them. This is the simplest form of admin work because it just involes three parties - end user, us, and the MTL. This problem of "taking your own sweet time to complete what you need to do" will be manifested exponentially as the number of parties involved increases. It is just like the slowest step will determine the rate of the reaction. How fast the end product can be produced is dependent on who is dragging the whole case. For example, some of my superios went for a course and they need to know their results of the course. Being in S3 Branch, they will automatically come to me and ask for me. So I have to send a message out to the external unit conducting this course and request for this results. In the first few e-mails that I send, I did not get a response. My superiors continue to bug me for the results so I have no choice but to call them personally. In the end I realise I have been looking for the wrong person (and the receiving end refused to tell me that I have contacted the wrong branch and instead, ignored my request, leaving me hanging). So I got into contacts with the right people and they have got their people to do. Two weeks have passed since I have raised the request but until now, I have no concrete results apart from the fact that they told me they are still searching for it. Without those results, a lot of follow-up actions have been affected and delayed because of incapable people on their side. They don't see the urgency in those results because we are the ones requesting and they are "doing us a favour". Wtf, and I am here on this side getting pressured everyday.
Seriously, that is why I get tired of all these crap already. I am getting screwed for reasons that are not caused by me and they still say that we are inefficient. I guess that is why the Ex-S3 says if you don't play bastard and call them everyday, you will be on their last priority. If everyone can just do what they need to do, be a little bit more proactive and get things done as soon as possible, I won't be typing this blog entry already. To add oil to the fire, no one seems to understand my situation. On my part I am lazy to explain to them because it won't help me to get things done, on their end they keep saying I only know how to sit in office and relax. Wtf, if you don't understand then don't anyhow say. You have your own problems to face and I have mine. These superficial understanding of how we work shows how shallow their thinking is. The recruits say QM branch good life, but are they willing to carry 400+ duffle bags for the whole Bn during the enlistment exercise? Are they willing to carry 600+ dumbbells from other units to camp for the recruits to train? Sometimes people have taken things for granted. They expect everything to be in place, to be available to them, effortlessly. Things don't magically appear in the stores, vehicles don't drop from the sky for you, rations don't appear in your plates just like that. People have to carry, people have to drive to camp, people have to cook for you. All these need people to make it happen. Sadly to say, I was once a culprit who expects everything to be there all the time. But how I have taken a whole new perspective of how things work in a bigger picture. Everyone has a role to play, it is only right to do your duties faithfully, but it is not right to judge whether or not the other people are doing a fucked up job, because only you yourself can answer that question.
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Today I too the HQ IPPT cat test. You know what, I am deeply disappointed.
I did not know that my physical fitness has deterioriated so much. I thought I should have done btter than that. At first I attributed it to the jobscope that I have now, but my fellow specs in HQ can maintain (in fact, doing better) their physical fitness, I am the only few going in the reverse direction.
So, what? After one year of army, it has failed to cultivate in me, a sense of doing physical training regularly and result to being "forced" in the sense of a routine training programme to exercise to keep up my fitness. Something is very wrong here.
I don't hit the gym, I don't do PT at home during the weekend. Plus I am not talented in physical sports. It will only be a huge contradiction to what I have written so far in this entry that I acheive a gold in IPPT (in case you have forgotten, things don't magically appear and somebody has to make the effort to do it). Just like what my mum always tells me - if you don't study, unless you are a genius, don't even dream about scoring. There is no such thing as a free-lunch, and someone who cheats is only a free-rider that spoils the market. The most ironic thing here is, I know all these principles, yet I am not doing something about it. Personally, I feel a strong dislike towards playing sports. Maybe it is my character or what, but it just feels "not me" to be playing basketball or soccer. Okay, maybe I am just lousy and I refuse to show people how 'capable' I am.
Isn't that so? People like me just want to stay in their comfort zone and not willing to do something different in their life.
I hope my disappointment after seeing today's result will motivate me to sort it out.
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One of my good friends is currently at m113 course.
It is good to go for courses. You get to know people, learn new things, and more importantly, to take a break.
Another good friend of mine is going int course next monday. He will be gone for one month.
My mood has been somewhat, affected by these news.
How should I put it.. it is something like you want to go for some
How? You tell me how. Who is going to ensure and make the men fall in on time? Who is going to tell the men off when they misbehave? Who is going to make us smile, when we are low in morale? I told him that Bn HQ will fall when he leaves. On that actual day, what I forsee is already coming true. The truth is, we are not helping ourselves! How are we going to expect the men to fall in on time for breakfast, when some of us are not even present! What are we going to tell them, when they ask why this sergeant still sleeping why that sergeant not here for breakfast? We are not taking recruits. We are taking trained soldiers, who have more experience in army than us. If we don't earn their respect by showing them we are doing it ourselves, how are we going to earn their respect to control them? By making that statement, I am not saying that I am not part of the lot contributing to these negative image to the men. I myself do not have the morale courage to tell them off when they are in the wrong. What I did at best is to talk to them individually, but never address them in the whole group. I am trying to change that, to be firm when giving them instructions. But that will take time. More importantly, immediate actions that should have taken is to do what we expect the men to do, at the very least. You cannot expect them to clean up a bunk cleaner than ours, and you cannot expect them to respect you, if you can't even talk to them properly.
I don't know. It is just so screwed up. Now that he is leaving, I only fear for the worst.
I feel the strong urge to do something about this. Play bastard, play bastard. Seriously, I should.
P.S. I am really sorry for acting up and being so dao these two days. I promise I will manage my emotions better next time. Yes, I promise.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Thursday, January 01, 2009
First post of the year!
**Drum rolls**
Okay, don't expect anything too different.
It is just like counting down in camp. The whole atmosphere just feels like another cos duty, just that I am watching live broadcast of new year celebrations instead of 小娘惹 or the news.
I still wished my friends happy new year at 12midnight albeit the settings. But I got too tired (and my lousy phone can only send 10 people at one time) so I didn't send to everyone. I am gonna use my camera phone during CNY instead(don't worry I won't be in camp).
Even on new year eve, security cannot be compromised.
My fellow specs are doing guard duty and COS duty. My ASLC mates are doing their respective duties at their places too. Count ourselves lucky that we aren't regulars. We only have one chance (for those January enlisted peeps only) of burning our new year eve while those PTP or April batch have double the chance. The world just don't stop spinning just because it is new year eve. So it is overrated? I would say yes.
One of my fellow specs in my company told me that if we are gonna celebrate new year eve, then we might as well celebrate every day because everyday is a brand new day. Though strangely, it just feels different because today is 01 January 2009. The sun seems to be extra shining, birds seem to chirp louder than usual. But then again, I think it is just my imaginations.
**********
28 December was the long awaited JC class gathering. It is probably the biggest gathering we have ever had as a class less chalet. Usually it is less than 10 people going out for gatherings but on that day we managed to have close to 20 people. Everyone prepared some food, aka potluck, and gifts for exchange. All that isn't really important to me. It is the fact that everyone is getting together and see each other again after so long that matters. Though we separated into our own cliques in the end (which happens 99.999% of the time), it is still nice to see many people back. One year after A levels, we all have carried on with our lives in univeristy, overseas, or NS camps. It seems that now it doesn't really matter how you perform in JC, because now everyone is expert in their own field of study. For the boys, the army lingo, and the girls, back to study. So there is not really a need to study too hard. Ultimately, everyone will be 50 years old one day. It is not that you are smarter so you will be 40 years old (if not i would study even harder). Be content with what you do, and be happy all the time =) it is the most important thing.
Oh yeah, since it is a gathering, some camwhoring is a must. Shan't spam the photos here. Go to my facebook instead. hah.
Booking back in tonight (and book out the next day =.=). Will update again very soon =)
**Drum rolls**
Okay, don't expect anything too different.
It is just like counting down in camp. The whole atmosphere just feels like another cos duty, just that I am watching live broadcast of new year celebrations instead of 小娘惹 or the news.
I still wished my friends happy new year at 12midnight albeit the settings. But I got too tired (and my lousy phone can only send 10 people at one time) so I didn't send to everyone. I am gonna use my camera phone during CNY instead(don't worry I won't be in camp).
Even on new year eve, security cannot be compromised.
My fellow specs are doing guard duty and COS duty. My ASLC mates are doing their respective duties at their places too. Count ourselves lucky that we aren't regulars. We only have one chance (for those January enlisted peeps only) of burning our new year eve while those PTP or April batch have double the chance. The world just don't stop spinning just because it is new year eve. So it is overrated? I would say yes.
One of my fellow specs in my company told me that if we are gonna celebrate new year eve, then we might as well celebrate every day because everyday is a brand new day. Though strangely, it just feels different because today is 01 January 2009. The sun seems to be extra shining, birds seem to chirp louder than usual. But then again, I think it is just my imaginations.
**********
28 December was the long awaited JC class gathering. It is probably the biggest gathering we have ever had as a class less chalet. Usually it is less than 10 people going out for gatherings but on that day we managed to have close to 20 people. Everyone prepared some food, aka potluck, and gifts for exchange. All that isn't really important to me. It is the fact that everyone is getting together and see each other again after so long that matters. Though we separated into our own cliques in the end (which happens 99.999% of the time), it is still nice to see many people back. One year after A levels, we all have carried on with our lives in univeristy, overseas, or NS camps. It seems that now it doesn't really matter how you perform in JC, because now everyone is expert in their own field of study. For the boys, the army lingo, and the girls, back to study. So there is not really a need to study too hard. Ultimately, everyone will be 50 years old one day. It is not that you are smarter so you will be 40 years old (if not i would study even harder). Be content with what you do, and be happy all the time =) it is the most important thing.
Oh yeah, since it is a gathering, some camwhoring is a must. Shan't spam the photos here. Go to my facebook instead. hah.
Booking back in tonight (and book out the next day =.=). Will update again very soon =)
sharkfin fullstopped here