Friday, December 26, 2008
Did a trial on my first spaghetti recipe for today's dinner. Not too bad for the first time ;)
That dish is gonna be what I will be bringing for the potluck at lu yang's house on 28 December.
Or rather, something that I am cooking at his house.
Tomorrow is my ASLC platoon's gathering. It seems like the response isn't really very good. Maybe it is because it is too last minute, or we have lost it already.
Even in my section, we haven't seen each other since we graduated. Don't even talk about BSLC section, I think we are barely in touch.
It is disappointing. People say you will meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends in the army. Yes I do meet a lot of people, see a lot of things, make a lot of friends. However, looking back now, it felt as if those friendships are not because we can be friends but we have to be friends. If you start being a selfish bastard and provoke everyone in your section, you will die a horrible death during outfield, or even kena sabo-ed in camp. So to protect ourselves, we tend to be nice to people, putting up a false front to show that you are caring and supportive of your platoon mates, so they can score you high in peer appraisal so you can go to OCS. A lot of generalisation, but I am just merely stating what I see and what I feel. So, as we move on with our army life, we never contact one another again. I don't know if it is because we have no time because we have our own commitments in our new units, or because there is no need to maintain that bond anymore. I hate to admit but partly, I am the passive one waiting for people to ask me out, go for social activities, and not that I will be going for every single one of them too. So I drift, being swap away alone in the current of time. Fortunately, there are few which I cling on to as if they are my lifeline - which they are. Otherwise, I will be really lost in this vast ocean of changing people.
I couldn't help but to keep thinking of the lyrics of the song Graduation (Friends forever) by Vitamin C. Those lyrics are really apt in describing my sentiments now. I value friendship, partnership, team, section, bond a lot. I can't imagine leading my life alone, without my friends around me to support me when I am down. They will tell me what to do when I am feeling lost, when I am in the wrong. People like YQ, for his humour in speech and frankness to people, JQ, for keeping his cool in all situations and quick wits, BX, for his self-discipline, sincerity to people and earnestness. These are examples of people whom I respect, friends that I can trust, individuals with characters I wish to cultivate. They are important people in my life that have made an impact to me. I guess that is the ultimate outcome I wish I can give to my friends - to make a difference to their life.
It is not easy, and I don't know if I am capable enough to do it.
But I will try my very best, to learn, to give, to share.
I seriously hope I can.
That dish is gonna be what I will be bringing for the potluck at lu yang's house on 28 December.
Or rather, something that I am cooking at his house.
Tomorrow is my ASLC platoon's gathering. It seems like the response isn't really very good. Maybe it is because it is too last minute, or we have lost it already.
Even in my section, we haven't seen each other since we graduated. Don't even talk about BSLC section, I think we are barely in touch.
It is disappointing. People say you will meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends in the army. Yes I do meet a lot of people, see a lot of things, make a lot of friends. However, looking back now, it felt as if those friendships are not because we can be friends but we have to be friends. If you start being a selfish bastard and provoke everyone in your section, you will die a horrible death during outfield, or even kena sabo-ed in camp. So to protect ourselves, we tend to be nice to people, putting up a false front to show that you are caring and supportive of your platoon mates, so they can score you high in peer appraisal so you can go to OCS. A lot of generalisation, but I am just merely stating what I see and what I feel. So, as we move on with our army life, we never contact one another again. I don't know if it is because we have no time because we have our own commitments in our new units, or because there is no need to maintain that bond anymore. I hate to admit but partly, I am the passive one waiting for people to ask me out, go for social activities, and not that I will be going for every single one of them too. So I drift, being swap away alone in the current of time. Fortunately, there are few which I cling on to as if they are my lifeline - which they are. Otherwise, I will be really lost in this vast ocean of changing people.
I couldn't help but to keep thinking of the lyrics of the song Graduation (Friends forever) by Vitamin C. Those lyrics are really apt in describing my sentiments now. I value friendship, partnership, team, section, bond a lot. I can't imagine leading my life alone, without my friends around me to support me when I am down. They will tell me what to do when I am feeling lost, when I am in the wrong. People like YQ, for his humour in speech and frankness to people, JQ, for keeping his cool in all situations and quick wits, BX, for his self-discipline, sincerity to people and earnestness. These are examples of people whom I respect, friends that I can trust, individuals with characters I wish to cultivate. They are important people in my life that have made an impact to me. I guess that is the ultimate outcome I wish I can give to my friends - to make a difference to their life.
It is not easy, and I don't know if I am capable enough to do it.
But I will try my very best, to learn, to give, to share.
I seriously hope I can.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Thursday, December 25, 2008
I have been living my army days aimlessly.
okay, it is a controversial statement. Some people say I have successfully passed out from SISPEC without OOC-ing and now I am with a bunch of great HQ buddies and everything is going smoothly.
I spent my evening in the office doing my branch work yesterday. I like the feeling of being left all alone and doing work by myself. It gets a little lonely though, when I finished my work and I start thinking what have I actually achieved this year.
Right, physically fitter (like who doesn't?), more vulgar (more for the specs maybe), knowing more acronyms which are practically useless when you ORD (there, another acronym).
Come to think of it, I don't really have a goal to begin with when I enter army. Some want to go OCS, some plan to chao keng down pes, some just want to serve and zao. whichever path you took, it is still 2 years down the drain (and 10 cycles of reservist). My mentality is that since we have to serve, what for waste time and be a storeman, or clerk. There are definitely better things to do in the army than just slack.
One thing very unique about SAF is that, it is an organisation that pays you to keep fit. We get 200 dollars for getting gold, subsidised sports activities such as marathon, biathalon. If you are a devoted regular in the SAF, you are the fittest people in the whole singapore society.
I have been "psycho-ed" to participate as actively in sports events like biathalon, marathon, swim meet, as possible. Of course not mandatory, we have a choice. I don't know why, but I am, most of the time, not in favour, though it is not that I am lazy or I can't do it, but somehow, I prefer to keep a status quo of my current status.
A quote by my S2 (when he was looking at my 11B)
Okay, I am actually quite hurt to hear that.
I have many friends who look totally different on the 11B and in their "army state". And almost all the time, it is a better change.
So that means, by refusing to follow the flow of the nature, I have lost out on something. Something that only army can give and I lost it.
I expected myself to change, physically and mentally, after the two years. One year has passed and I am still who I am, not from boys to men (don't even talk about from men to soldiers). I still feel that I lack the confidence to speak up in the public (something which I hope to conquer by going command school). I still feel that I am not disciplined to do what is right (as opposed to many of my friends who will do their chin-up regimes diligiently and keep their things neat and tidy). I still feel that I am still the same, maybe a little more muscular, but that is it. Character, personality, style, inter-personal skills - no change, or maybe worse. That is not the worst. I refuse to change because I am comfortable with what I have now. "Don't fix what is not broken" mentality plays a big role here because "there are always a better way to do everything". By maintaining that status quo, I have no big aim, no big dream, just lead my days as it is. Friends come and go (which is really sad). People whom I look up to continue to be doing good, and better. People who I look down on try to work harder and improve. I am doing henta kaki.
There are some problems in me that I will lie myself that I don't know these problems, or I don't care these problems, and I don't tell people that I have these problems.
It is a curse, a plague, a shadow that has been tagging me for so long.
It is time to sort them out.
Please, not let it be NATO again.
No Action Type Only
okay, it is a controversial statement. Some people say I have successfully passed out from SISPEC without OOC-ing and now I am with a bunch of great HQ buddies and everything is going smoothly.
I spent my evening in the office doing my branch work yesterday. I like the feeling of being left all alone and doing work by myself. It gets a little lonely though, when I finished my work and I start thinking what have I actually achieved this year.
Right, physically fitter (like who doesn't?), more vulgar (more for the specs maybe), knowing more acronyms which are practically useless when you ORD (there, another acronym).
Come to think of it, I don't really have a goal to begin with when I enter army. Some want to go OCS, some plan to chao keng down pes, some just want to serve and zao. whichever path you took, it is still 2 years down the drain (and 10 cycles of reservist). My mentality is that since we have to serve, what for waste time and be a storeman, or clerk. There are definitely better things to do in the army than just slack.
One thing very unique about SAF is that, it is an organisation that pays you to keep fit. We get 200 dollars for getting gold, subsidised sports activities such as marathon, biathalon. If you are a devoted regular in the SAF, you are the fittest people in the whole singapore society.
I have been "psycho-ed" to participate as actively in sports events like biathalon, marathon, swim meet, as possible. Of course not mandatory, we have a choice. I don't know why, but I am, most of the time, not in favour, though it is not that I am lazy or I can't do it, but somehow, I prefer to keep a status quo of my current status.
A quote by my S2 (when he was looking at my 11B)
You still look the same before and after you enter army
Okay, I am actually quite hurt to hear that.
I have many friends who look totally different on the 11B and in their "army state". And almost all the time, it is a better change.
So that means, by refusing to follow the flow of the nature, I have lost out on something. Something that only army can give and I lost it.
I expected myself to change, physically and mentally, after the two years. One year has passed and I am still who I am, not from boys to men (don't even talk about from men to soldiers). I still feel that I lack the confidence to speak up in the public (something which I hope to conquer by going command school). I still feel that I am not disciplined to do what is right (as opposed to many of my friends who will do their chin-up regimes diligiently and keep their things neat and tidy). I still feel that I am still the same, maybe a little more muscular, but that is it. Character, personality, style, inter-personal skills - no change, or maybe worse. That is not the worst. I refuse to change because I am comfortable with what I have now. "Don't fix what is not broken" mentality plays a big role here because "there are always a better way to do everything". By maintaining that status quo, I have no big aim, no big dream, just lead my days as it is. Friends come and go (which is really sad). People whom I look up to continue to be doing good, and better. People who I look down on try to work harder and improve. I am doing henta kaki.
There are some problems in me that I will lie myself that I don't know these problems, or I don't care these problems, and I don't tell people that I have these problems.
It is a curse, a plague, a shadow that has been tagging me for so long.
It is time to sort them out.
Please, not let it be NATO again.
No Action Type Only
Labels: Emo
sharkfin fullstopped here
Saturday, December 20, 2008
It is the festive month of the year again.
Again..
Years after years, my Christmas was never spent in Singapore. Most of the time, I am overseas, either in China or in Taiwan with my family and relatives.
Now I am "grounded" in Singapore, thanks to national service. I can't even take overseas leave to go Taiwan because I have to serve NS there too and I won't be able to leave the country until I finish serving there.
And now, I am all alone here. I think that is why I chose to volunteer to do duty on Xmas Eve and New Year Eve. They don't feel like a festival without my family with me.
Though things aren't all bad here.. I have just received Moo's christmas card today. Everytime I read through his card I will discover something new - not that his English is profound, but I discovered I can only read some of his words (actually, not read, is infer, from the shapes and the meaning of the clause that follows). It is still very heartening, though. Afterall, it is content that counts - and it made my mind sinking back to 2 years ago.
...
Looking at the present again, have I changed?
...
I feel so guilty when I saw the christmas card in my letterbox. I have never sent out a single xmas wishing card - only receive. It seems to me that I am the only one radical in this period of time. Sometimes I feel so out of place. Whenever people ask me what are my plans for the xmas and new year, I can't answer. My friends are out there partying, dining out, catching up with people, while I find myself distancing more and more from people. I feel strongly against this idiotic feeling, but I am not (or can't?) doing anything about it. I want to be acknowledged by my friends. I want to let people who know me proud of me, proud of whatever I do. In the end, I think I am just another friend to many people. At worst, a person to exploit and dispose of as quickly as possible.
I can feel my thoughts getting disorganised.. my head is spinning.. the world is twirling.. yet i am still standing.. all aone..
Again..
Years after years, my Christmas was never spent in Singapore. Most of the time, I am overseas, either in China or in Taiwan with my family and relatives.
Now I am "grounded" in Singapore, thanks to national service. I can't even take overseas leave to go Taiwan because I have to serve NS there too and I won't be able to leave the country until I finish serving there.
And now, I am all alone here. I think that is why I chose to volunteer to do duty on Xmas Eve and New Year Eve. They don't feel like a festival without my family with me.
Though things aren't all bad here.. I have just received Moo's christmas card today. Everytime I read through his card I will discover something new - not that his English is profound, but I discovered I can only read some of his words (actually, not read, is infer, from the shapes and the meaning of the clause that follows). It is still very heartening, though. Afterall, it is content that counts - and it made my mind sinking back to 2 years ago.
...
Looking at the present again, have I changed?
...
I feel so guilty when I saw the christmas card in my letterbox. I have never sent out a single xmas wishing card - only receive. It seems to me that I am the only one radical in this period of time. Sometimes I feel so out of place. Whenever people ask me what are my plans for the xmas and new year, I can't answer. My friends are out there partying, dining out, catching up with people, while I find myself distancing more and more from people. I feel strongly against this idiotic feeling, but I am not (or can't?) doing anything about it. I want to be acknowledged by my friends. I want to let people who know me proud of me, proud of whatever I do. In the end, I think I am just another friend to many people. At worst, a person to exploit and dispose of as quickly as possible.
I can feel my thoughts getting disorganised.. my head is spinning.. the world is twirling.. yet i am still standing.. all aone..
sharkfin fullstopped here
Sunday, December 14, 2008
And my bro commented:
Very communist song.
=.=
Very communist song.
=.=
sharkfin fullstopped here
RA3 main theme.
It's nice!
I don't think anyone can actually read this..
Наш Coветский Союз покоряет весь мир
Как огромный медведь на Востоке.
Овцы бродят безцельно, без всяких забот
А Советский медведь на охоте.
Наше братство - хорошая жизнь,
Наша щедрость ни с чем не сравнится.
Все кто с нами - сильны
Все кто против, держись
Чтоб нам всем не пришлось потрудится.
Все народы, не стоит того
Что бы мы превратили вас в пепел.
Благодарны вам, низкий поклон,
От самой могущеcтвенной nation.
Here is the English translation =)
Our Soviet Union subjugates the whole world
Like a gigantic bear from the East.
The sheep wander aimlessly, without any cause,
Yet the Soviet bear's on the hunt.
Our brotherhood's a good life, Our generosity is without compare.
All those with us are strong,
All those against us, beware.
It'd be a shame if we had hardships.
To all those around us, it's not worth your while
If we were to turn you to ashes.
We thank you profoundly, and bow to you deeply,
From the mightiest nation in all the world.
It's nice!
I don't think anyone can actually read this..
Наш Coветский Союз покоряет весь мир
Как огромный медведь на Востоке.
Овцы бродят безцельно, без всяких забот
А Советский медведь на охоте.
Наше братство - хорошая жизнь,
Наша щедрость ни с чем не сравнится.
Все кто с нами - сильны
Все кто против, держись
Чтоб нам всем не пришлось потрудится.
Все народы, не стоит того
Что бы мы превратили вас в пепел.
Благодарны вам, низкий поклон,
От самой могущеcтвенной nation.
Here is the English translation =)
Our Soviet Union subjugates the whole world
Like a gigantic bear from the East.
The sheep wander aimlessly, without any cause,
Yet the Soviet bear's on the hunt.
Our brotherhood's a good life, Our generosity is without compare.
All those with us are strong,
All those against us, beware.
It'd be a shame if we had hardships.
To all those around us, it's not worth your while
If we were to turn you to ashes.
We thank you profoundly, and bow to you deeply,
From the mightiest nation in all the world.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Monday, December 08, 2008
Borrowed TJC's 2007 concert Prelude 27 from BX quite long ago, until now haven finished watching.. I should stop watching the parts I have watched before next time and finish the whole concert so I can return him (after duno how many weeks already.)
I really enjoyed watching it. Not only does it remind me of my days in Band, but the spirit that they have shown in the whole performance moved me. I don't really know how to explain, but looking at the likes of me performing, it seems like I can understand the feeling up on the stage. It feels really good when the audience cheers and applauses for your good performance. It makes all the hardwork and late night practices worthwhile.
It is a feeling that I will miss.
Why, life is moving so fast that I have no time to savour the best times of my life.
How I wish my school has actually filmed down the performances during the two years in JC. I can only unlock my sealed memories from the recordings.
Sorry BX, I have got to retain your DVD with me for one more week..
Time to book in to camp. Perhaps, I will find fruitful memories in camp. Just that, I can neither film, nor record, any form of restricted media.
I feel so restricted.
I really enjoyed watching it. Not only does it remind me of my days in Band, but the spirit that they have shown in the whole performance moved me. I don't really know how to explain, but looking at the likes of me performing, it seems like I can understand the feeling up on the stage. It feels really good when the audience cheers and applauses for your good performance. It makes all the hardwork and late night practices worthwhile.
It is a feeling that I will miss.
Why, life is moving so fast that I have no time to savour the best times of my life.
How I wish my school has actually filmed down the performances during the two years in JC. I can only unlock my sealed memories from the recordings.
Sorry BX, I have got to retain your DVD with me for one more week..
Time to book in to camp. Perhaps, I will find fruitful memories in camp. Just that, I can neither film, nor record, any form of restricted media.
I feel so restricted.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Saturday, December 06, 2008
I just realised that it is one week to enlistment for the 14th Mono.
How fast time flies, it has been 3 months and 16 days since the day I graduated from SISPEC. In one week's time, the 01/08 OCTs are gonna commission too. Come to think of it, it has been a good one year into army already.
Very soon, the quiet camp that I have been staying in for the past 3 months is going to turn into a chaotic place. Gone were the days of freedom and relaxation. We are going to embark on a brand new journey of the 14th Mono. On my part, I only hope to do my job properly, ensuring all the training resources are allocated appropriately and no administration lapses. It will not be easy, but with time comes experience. At least now I know how to beg the MTL to give me the vehicles >.< seriously, I will make sure I pass down all the information I can to my juniors who are gonna take over me next year as ops spec.. it is exactly that my upper studies did not hand over properly that caused so much trouble for the two of us. Finally the audit is over, it is time to tie down all the administrative procedures properly. This time round, we were really kena F-ed by the GSI for good. Aint gonna happen for next annual LAB.
I volunteered myself to do duty on New Year Eve. Sounds crazy? Someone has got to do it man. Now I am "immune" from doing duty during CNY. Hehe, but ultimately, I wish to push for getting non-chinese LCPs to do the duty (just for the cny eve probably). Just for that one day.. hopefully my CSM is kind enough to allow that.. but judging by how I know him, probably aint gonna happen. Sibei sad leh..
Bro is gonna come back on 25 Dec.. Realise that it will be 2 weeks time.. time really really flies.. his holidays are almost going to be over.. and I will be ORDing.. if time really really really... really.. flies. Ah, whatever..
I need to come up with a new year resolution for 2009. Something realistic and achievable.. Okay, my first resolution shall be..
Achieve all my new year resolution for 2009.
This shall be good =)
How fast time flies, it has been 3 months and 16 days since the day I graduated from SISPEC. In one week's time, the 01/08 OCTs are gonna commission too. Come to think of it, it has been a good one year into army already.
Very soon, the quiet camp that I have been staying in for the past 3 months is going to turn into a chaotic place. Gone were the days of freedom and relaxation. We are going to embark on a brand new journey of the 14th Mono. On my part, I only hope to do my job properly, ensuring all the training resources are allocated appropriately and no administration lapses. It will not be easy, but with time comes experience. At least now I know how to beg the MTL to give me the vehicles >.< seriously, I will make sure I pass down all the information I can to my juniors who are gonna take over me next year as ops spec.. it is exactly that my upper studies did not hand over properly that caused so much trouble for the two of us. Finally the audit is over, it is time to tie down all the administrative procedures properly. This time round, we were really kena F-ed by the GSI for good. Aint gonna happen for next annual LAB.
I volunteered myself to do duty on New Year Eve. Sounds crazy? Someone has got to do it man. Now I am "immune" from doing duty during CNY. Hehe, but ultimately, I wish to push for getting non-chinese LCPs to do the duty (just for the cny eve probably). Just for that one day.. hopefully my CSM is kind enough to allow that.. but judging by how I know him, probably aint gonna happen. Sibei sad leh..
Bro is gonna come back on 25 Dec.. Realise that it will be 2 weeks time.. time really really flies.. his holidays are almost going to be over.. and I will be ORDing.. if time really really really... really.. flies. Ah, whatever..
I need to come up with a new year resolution for 2009. Something realistic and achievable.. Okay, my first resolution shall be..
Achieve all my new year resolution for 2009.
This shall be good =)
sharkfin fullstopped here
Friday, December 05, 2008
This week is seriously.. a roller coaster ride.. emotionally..
I tend to be very much affected by the mood around me. Getting high when others are.. getting moody when everyone doesn't talk or appear sian..
If I had not been posted to my unit, I probably will never know a lot of facts about life. I realise that the personal problems that I have are not problems at all. I mean, they are still a problem but it can be solved quite easily on an individual level, or the most trash things out with the people involved. What I am learning from the people around me is problems that really, very difficult situations. Sometimes I hope I can shut myself from all these facts, but I know they are truths about life. We cannot forever live in our self-delusioned world that everything will be happy ever after. Sometimes we have to prepare for the worst, because they do really happen.
My deepest condolence to him..
Just when I came back to camp on Monday evening, the COS told us that we have two new specs posted into the HQ. My first question to ask is "Can they do COS duty?". Come to think of it, really quite bastard if the first question I ask is if they can do duty. But seriously, we are really short on manpower.. and now that we have been told off my our CSM.. we really have to tighten up the security and follow more strictly to what COS is supposed to do. Talked to both of them a bit. One of them was from Hawk Coy instructor, and the other is a disruptee, formerly a MG Comd in 12th mono.
The hawk instructor told me his stories. Really, many problems I thought are "problems" paled in comparison to his.
Sometimes, it is just better not to know more..
I tend to be very much affected by the mood around me. Getting high when others are.. getting moody when everyone doesn't talk or appear sian..
If I had not been posted to my unit, I probably will never know a lot of facts about life. I realise that the personal problems that I have are not problems at all. I mean, they are still a problem but it can be solved quite easily on an individual level, or the most trash things out with the people involved. What I am learning from the people around me is problems that really, very difficult situations. Sometimes I hope I can shut myself from all these facts, but I know they are truths about life. We cannot forever live in our self-delusioned world that everything will be happy ever after. Sometimes we have to prepare for the worst, because they do really happen.
My deepest condolence to him..
Just when I came back to camp on Monday evening, the COS told us that we have two new specs posted into the HQ. My first question to ask is "Can they do COS duty?". Come to think of it, really quite bastard if the first question I ask is if they can do duty. But seriously, we are really short on manpower.. and now that we have been told off my our CSM.. we really have to tighten up the security and follow more strictly to what COS is supposed to do. Talked to both of them a bit. One of them was from Hawk Coy instructor, and the other is a disruptee, formerly a MG Comd in 12th mono.
The hawk instructor told me his stories. Really, many problems I thought are "problems" paled in comparison to his.
Sometimes, it is just better not to know more..
sharkfin fullstopped here