I realised I have not been bloggin recently. For those who still visit this (pathetic) webpage, I thank you for your patronage and continual support/care for me if that is your purpose of reading this blog. Ok, whatever I am talking about.

Anyway, I am finally into the last stretch of the ASLC. Having gone through 32km march, passing my damned SOC, various fieldcamps and Exercise Grandslam II, I am in for the 3 weeks overseas training in Taiwan. Not exactly looking forward to the Exercise Warrior because it is gonna be a 7 hellish days with a high chance of raining on several days. Time to revisit the BMT fieldcamp where it actually rained half of the camp for me. Though I must admit that I am quite looking forward to the uncontrolled 3 day 2 night navigation exercise. OTOT revellie/lights off/combat ration break. Hopefully I get to stay together with my section mates. Still packing my stuffs for taiwan and I really have no idea how much of each personal items to bring. Money is another issue, but I think I will just bring the norm. I can always get money from my mum during RnR in Taiwan, lol. Ironically, it doesn't feel like an "overseas" exercise because I am going back "home". I really miss the place, the environment, the people, the food. The feeling of just being physically there. I don't know how to express my mixed feelings, I just hope you understand.

I collected by A level certificate from school last Friday. Shant elaborate more on that. More interestingly, Terence Heng, Yan Yin, and I actually sat in for Miss Chua's (my CT for 06S6C) CT session with her new class, 08S6T. At first all we wanted to do is to have a chit chat session with our CT and we would leave. In the end, she ended up talking to us so much hilarious things about her new CT that we decided to see for ourselves. Indeed, the most lame class I have ever seen. It is really the typical High School boys kind of jokes. Can't help laughing and recalling the old high school days. haha. Only upon further conversation with my CT regarding her new form class then I realise her class is so called the "experimental" class. The school has purposely put all the weakest students from high school together in the same class. Truely, their results for block test is "All For You", which sounds like "all 4 U". Not everyone is that weak but the best is probably not even an A. I really my CT's courage to take on this challenging class and I can say that she has done a lot, much more than for our own class, to help them. She spent hours talking to them, designing personalised diaries so that there is another avenue for her to keep track of her student's progress. In a way, I felt as if all her students are her dearest children. Thankfully, the students are very close with her as well. Just as I thought my class is considered quite weak in my cohort, she has got probably the weakest class in the school this time round. Jia you Miss Chua!

Then I went back to school for prize presentation last saturday. I must say that I am surprised with the number of awardees. There are 135 awardees with 7 Disctinctions, 59 with 8 distinctions, 3 9 distinctions, and various other awards like subject best awards and outstanding student award. It really makes you feel dwarfed by their outstanding achievement in their various academic, CCA, external projects. I must say that I kind of regret not being more active and participate in more activities. Oh well, at least I have enjoyed my time in JC with my beloved classmates. Yay!

I think that is probably gonna be the last few times that I will enter the schoo premises. It feels really homely, when I go back to the class bench, enter the same old LT3, being in the canteen eating my favourite yong tau foo, looking at my juniors around me. I really miss going back to school, and I am already looking forward to entering university. I really want to learn more stuffs which will be useful to me next time. Till then, I will still be stuck in the army, doing fire and movement, chionging up this hill and down that slope.

1 year and 3 months more.

2:35 PM

So fast and I am left with 6 more weeks in ASLC. Okay actually it is still long but at least I am more than half way through the whole course. 2 book outs and I will be off Singapore! It really excites me whenever I think of the RnR after the 2 weeks of fieldcamp in Taiwan. Can't wait to see my relatives, eat the food, just being physically there.

And identity crisis sets in again.

Recently there is this discussion going around regarding someone writing "I WILL HATE SINGAPORE FOR EVER" on the Freedom Space (i.e. a wall for us to write whatever we want. Each platoon has one). Even the CO of the school left a comment on the wall upon seeing the extreme remark. The comment written by him is met with more rebuttals from the original writer and other people in the platoon as well. Thanks to that, I have been hearing a significant amount of intellectual discussion (which you usually don't expect much in army) within my section itself. You will be surprised that army hasn't really deteriorated much of my brains given all the discussion about the SAF, whether it is just a self-delusionary of how patriotic Singaporeans are, or we are indeed benefiting more by sacrificing the two years, and of course the many more cycles of reservists to come.

I can't really comment much, really. Seriously, I don't feel the bond with this place that I have spent my last 10 years of my life. To me it is not about hating or loving. It is more like a legal obligation, because I don't have a choice. I don't feel so emotional like the original author of the controversial statement. Ask me do it and I will do as you will. Complaints? All in the heart. No point saying everything out to make yourself feel more miserable and the people around you worse-off. The wall in my platoon is filled with much more negative thoughts about army, the company, the whole organisation rather than focusing on the positive side. Some people say it is called "cheating your own feelings" but I have to think that a positive attitude will motivate ourselves at least a bit more. As of now, I can really say that our platoon is fucked up. Since the disruption of the doctor-to-be, no one motivates the platoon, no one really cares about singing or marching properly. Everyone seems to be more concerned about slacking off and take the easier way out. You can see some are really slack to the core. Even as appointment holders still don't do the basics properly, only to get screwed all the time and make afool of himself thinking that he is very funny. I do agree that at times we need to let our hair down and chill. However, when it is time to get serious I think we all should have the discipline to do the right thing. That is not happening and it is really demoralising when only some people are putting in the effort to try to get everyone together. Nonetheless, the slackers aren't without any skills and talents. In fact, I am actually quite impressed with their wayang skills.

Meh..

Sometimes I get really angry, not with those people, but with myself. I do everything to the best of my abilities, treating every training seriously and don't skip them unnecessarily. People say what is important isn't the result, but the process. My ass. Who gives a damn how you pass your SOC, as long as you pass it. Who cares how you walk your 32km, as long as you end up at the finishing line. What matters is that you finish your SOC under 10minutes, and your 32km in 6hours. You can skip the circuit training for SOC, 28km route march by chao keng-ing. As long as you pass them you get your chevrons and your badge. You can skip them, for all I care, but please don't tell the whole world that you chao keng so much and still pass. You are just annoying people like me, and a few others, who do everything yet still can't pass. It is okay one, I swallow the sorrows, I am not talented enough like others. So stop disturbing me and just keep quiet.

Screw it.

At least I have 3 other section mates who are in the same situation as me. The 4 of us have not passed the SOC yet, and the last test will be on next thursday. I really hope to clear it by then. Else I have no idea when I will be sitting for the retest. Probably on one of the weekends. I, too, wish that my left knee don't give up on me at this very last moment, when I have cleared half of the course. It has been hurting perpectually when I jump off high obstacles during this week's SOC. As a result I had to fall out from IPPT becase I can't jump SBJ. Just as I thought it is okay already it has to prove me wrong yesterday when I was playing volleyball. Damn it man.. argh

I should get an early rest tonight.. life is gonna get tough from here, on...

9:17 PM