Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday Blues
I don't wanna go back yet, not until I recover to go for IFC.
Why must I be sick at this point of time?
Only if I had been given Attend B when I reported sick to the MO one week ago.
Then again, it was minor and I was given Attend A, which means normal duties.
The sickness deteriorates and I felt really sick on the last day in Tekong.
Too bad for me, really too bad.
I am still considering if I should show my 1 week excuse from PT.
I think I should not.
I don't wanna go back yet, not until I recover to go for IFC.
Why must I be sick at this point of time?
Only if I had been given Attend B when I reported sick to the MO one week ago.
Then again, it was minor and I was given Attend A, which means normal duties.
The sickness deteriorates and I felt really sick on the last day in Tekong.
Too bad for me, really too bad.
I am still considering if I should show my 1 week excuse from PT.
I think I should not.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Today is the last night to sleep in my aircon room, last night to sleep till 9, last night to be with my family, last night to do whatever I want.
This day has finally arrived. Not that I am looking forward to it, though. If it has to come one day, I shall try to enjoy it as much as possible.
Like I always tell my brother, "Since you are already in this shit, make the best out of this shit."
Of course I don't use the word "shit" so blatantly to him. =)
No matter how much I tell myself that I would be able to survive, and how encouraging my friends have been (which I am really grateful for), I still feel nervous and uncertain, up till now.
I read several blog entries regarding NS from my seniors. And the conclusion is that no one likes NS, but at the same time, the experience is invaluable. Good medicine is bitter (direct translation). NS is the perfect medication for brushing up will-power and physical capabilities.
Don't they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
Yeah, that is if you survive. =)
I will survive, I still have families who care about me, I still have friends who are behind me.
And I will have my buddy to accompany me to the toilet in the middle of the night, LOL. (Quote from Jia Wei, who must be either watching others shaving now or getting shaved the second time.)
I will be back guys. To those who are enlisting in April, don't be sad :P 3 months pass very quickly. By then, all of us would be the part of Singapore Armed Forces, just that it is different rank :P
From the highest rank in the society - A civillian, to the lowest rank in the society - A recruit.
This day has finally arrived. Not that I am looking forward to it, though. If it has to come one day, I shall try to enjoy it as much as possible.
Like I always tell my brother, "Since you are already in this shit, make the best out of this shit."
Of course I don't use the word "shit" so blatantly to him. =)
No matter how much I tell myself that I would be able to survive, and how encouraging my friends have been (which I am really grateful for), I still feel nervous and uncertain, up till now.
I read several blog entries regarding NS from my seniors. And the conclusion is that no one likes NS, but at the same time, the experience is invaluable. Good medicine is bitter (direct translation). NS is the perfect medication for brushing up will-power and physical capabilities.
Don't they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
Yeah, that is if you survive. =)
I will survive, I still have families who care about me, I still have friends who are behind me.
And I will have my buddy to accompany me to the toilet in the middle of the night, LOL. (Quote from Jia Wei, who must be either watching others shaving now or getting shaved the second time.)
I will be back guys. To those who are enlisting in April, don't be sad :P 3 months pass very quickly. By then, all of us would be the part of Singapore Armed Forces, just that it is different rank :P
From the highest rank in the society - A civillian, to the lowest rank in the society - A recruit.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Sunday, January 06, 2008
I am still waiting for my primary sch classmates to send me the gathering photos yesterday.
It has been 6 years since I last went out with my primary school classmates. It is not that they have changed so dramatically that I would not even dream that they would appear like that. They have changed more, emotionally. Actually, they have just matured la. It is still an awkard feeling though. Afterall, my impression of them lies back 6 years ago, which is, obviously, much more childish and naive than it is now. Wreaking havoc at Fish and Co (though it is already very chaotic), and playing dices and cards at a bar near clarke quay after that. Punishment with a drink or two is a must. Travelling all the way back to Keng Seng Primary School Tanglin Special School just to take a glimpse of the school once again.
Looking at them now, I can't help wondering how the class of 06S6C would be like 6 years from now.
Is 6 years a long time?
6 years sure doesnt feel like a long time to me when we chatted about what we did in primary school. It feels that it has happened yesterday.
When my JC classmates meet up again in 6 years time, we would all be 24 (ok fine i will be 25). Are there people who is gonna be married, or hasn't even found their partners yet? Or will there be people who are already earning big money, or are there people who are struggling to make ends meet?
Or some even, will always be there, behind us, for us.
Future is a tricky thing. You don't know what the future holds, yet I keep speculating again and again, trying to see into the future, when I know it will come to me naturally, just do my part now.
My blog entries are getting boringly repetitive. Can't help it, though, especially when life is about to take a huge step forward. You just kept waiting there until you have to jump.
I will have more interesting things to say after I survive the 2 weeks of confinement, starting next thursday.
Good luck to one and all.
It has been 6 years since I last went out with my primary school classmates. It is not that they have changed so dramatically that I would not even dream that they would appear like that. They have changed more, emotionally. Actually, they have just matured la. It is still an awkard feeling though. Afterall, my impression of them lies back 6 years ago, which is, obviously, much more childish and naive than it is now. Wreaking havoc at Fish and Co (though it is already very chaotic), and playing dices and cards at a bar near clarke quay after that. Punishment with a drink or two is a must. Travelling all the way back to
Looking at them now, I can't help wondering how the class of 06S6C would be like 6 years from now.
Is 6 years a long time?
6 years sure doesnt feel like a long time to me when we chatted about what we did in primary school. It feels that it has happened yesterday.
When my JC classmates meet up again in 6 years time, we would all be 24 (ok fine i will be 25). Are there people who is gonna be married, or hasn't even found their partners yet? Or will there be people who are already earning big money, or are there people who are struggling to make ends meet?
Or some even, will always be there, behind us, for us.
Future is a tricky thing. You don't know what the future holds, yet I keep speculating again and again, trying to see into the future, when I know it will come to me naturally, just do my part now.
My blog entries are getting boringly repetitive. Can't help it, though, especially when life is about to take a huge step forward. You just kept waiting there until you have to jump.
I will have more interesting things to say after I survive the 2 weeks of confinement, starting next thursday.
Good luck to one and all.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Friday, January 04, 2008
Have been keeping myself busy since the day I return from China.
junquan, whom my brother calls "aztecs", came my house for lunch today. Chatted for some while, and, yeah, gained some enlightment? lol
Sometimes the world is not just as idealist as many of us would think. I actually thought the world is straight forward, there is no "to a certain extent" in this world. The world is a total absurd place to those who can only think in a straight line. Of course, the world isn't ridiculous to me anymore.
That really makes the difference between a young adult and a non-thinking primary school kid.
You know, I feeling quite bad now, with reference to the blog post I wrote a few days back. I should be fortunate that I have parents who love me, and a brother who doesn't cause troubles. I still have a family. What more should I complain, as compared to others who are raised by a single parents, or even as an orphan.
I am not saying that we should always look and compare to someone inferior to feel less disappointed. In fact, look at what you have instead of what you don't. You will realise, you actually still own a lot of intangible welfare that others would be envious of you.
Let the bygones be bygones
This sentence continues to loop in my brain.
I always thought I can let things down easily, let go the embarrasing things I have done in the past and not let them affect me when I make my decisions now. However, it is really not easy.
One friend of mine, in fact, I was rather close with him, in lower secondary. Some incidents happen, and we never talked again, ever. He has left for overseas university, and with that, my chance of recovering the lost friendship. I have always wanted to approach him and act naturally. I am sure that incident has long been forgotten. But it plagues my mind. I can't help but to recall the embarrasing moments, and being labeled a traitor at that time. It was never meant that way. I could never have done that. Could be a misunderstanding. Either way, it's ended.
I just thought why I have not straightened out everything when I have the chance. Some things left unsaid, and will never be said.
And that exact same reason for my persistent reluctance to make up my mind to go for primary school gathering tomorrow. However, I have decided to go, lest history repeats itself.
Nothing beats a nice warm convo exchanges. It is really great to talk about anything and everything to a friend whom you can trust and rely on.
5 days, and counting.
junquan, whom my brother calls "aztecs", came my house for lunch today. Chatted for some while, and, yeah, gained some enlightment? lol
Sometimes the world is not just as idealist as many of us would think. I actually thought the world is straight forward, there is no "to a certain extent" in this world. The world is a total absurd place to those who can only think in a straight line. Of course, the world isn't ridiculous to me anymore.
That really makes the difference between a young adult and a non-thinking primary school kid.
You know, I feeling quite bad now, with reference to the blog post I wrote a few days back. I should be fortunate that I have parents who love me, and a brother who doesn't cause troubles. I still have a family. What more should I complain, as compared to others who are raised by a single parents, or even as an orphan.
I am not saying that we should always look and compare to someone inferior to feel less disappointed. In fact, look at what you have instead of what you don't. You will realise, you actually still own a lot of intangible welfare that others would be envious of you.
Let the bygones be bygones
This sentence continues to loop in my brain.
I always thought I can let things down easily, let go the embarrasing things I have done in the past and not let them affect me when I make my decisions now. However, it is really not easy.
One friend of mine, in fact, I was rather close with him, in lower secondary. Some incidents happen, and we never talked again, ever. He has left for overseas university, and with that, my chance of recovering the lost friendship. I have always wanted to approach him and act naturally. I am sure that incident has long been forgotten. But it plagues my mind. I can't help but to recall the embarrasing moments, and being labeled a traitor at that time. It was never meant that way. I could never have done that. Could be a misunderstanding. Either way, it's ended.
I just thought why I have not straightened out everything when I have the chance. Some things left unsaid, and will never be said.
And that exact same reason for my persistent reluctance to make up my mind to go for primary school gathering tomorrow. However, I have decided to go, lest history repeats itself.
Nothing beats a nice warm convo exchanges. It is really great to talk about anything and everything to a friend whom you can trust and rely on.
5 days, and counting.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello
I am your mind,
giving you someone to talk to..
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello
I am your mind,
giving you someone to talk to..
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
sharkfin fullstopped here
Today is supposed to be the first day of school. But I don't have to wake up at 6am like my bro. I don't have to think about which holiday homework I have not done during the holidays.
Woke up at 9am today, felt like lazing around before starting on the training thinggie that I should have started like a few weeks ago. Nonetheless, when I went out today, I met the security guard downstairs. He asked me, "Why you never go to school today."
His tone is more like questioning me due to a possible truancy.
And so I told him that I have graduated and waiting for NS enlistment. I wanted to tell him that I want to go back to school, but thought it is weird telling people that, so I swallowed it back.
No more school uniforms, no more attendance taking. Uni is much more liberal than it is in JC. With no one to push, will I be disciplined enough to carry out the minimal of everything, or going for the extra mile?
8 days to NS. I am feeling insecure now.
Woke up at 9am today, felt like lazing around before starting on the training thinggie that I should have started like a few weeks ago. Nonetheless, when I went out today, I met the security guard downstairs. He asked me, "Why you never go to school today."
His tone is more like questioning me due to a possible truancy.
And so I told him that I have graduated and waiting for NS enlistment. I wanted to tell him that I want to go back to school, but thought it is weird telling people that, so I swallowed it back.
No more school uniforms, no more attendance taking. Uni is much more liberal than it is in JC. With no one to push, will I be disciplined enough to carry out the minimal of everything, or going for the extra mile?
8 days to NS. I am feeling insecure now.
sharkfin fullstopped here
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Ayo! First post of the year 2008.
Don't you think people tend to get emo really easily at night, especially when we are alone? There is no one else around you and you are along blog hopping or just slacking on the computer. Emo thoughts feasts on this solitude and manifested like an uncontrolled wild fire.
I think it is just because my brain functions between temperature 15-38 degrees Celsius. It ceases functioning at freezing point.
Thats why I am posting now, back in Singapore.
Count down in Shanghai city. Saw some fireworks, it is pretty.
Fireworks...
Beautiful experiences in 2 years JC are just like fireworks, they appear with a bang, and disappear without a trace. You cannot tell others how wonderful fireworks is, neither could you tell your friends your great experiences in JC.
Even after 2 years of GP education, I still find myself difficult to express myself, especially on such topics.
I miss class outings, seriously. While my friend is telling me how crazy his class is, having 3 class gathering over a time span of a week, I failed to attend one class gathering in a time span of 3 weeks.
Because I am not in Singapore. I am off to see my dad working in China.
Every year my friends will be telling me why I go overseas every time there is school holiday, and my schedule is so packed that my mum will make sure there is no time 'wasted' in singapore during the term break. I couldn't help but to tell them that it is not my decision. I have no influence over the choice to go or not to go China. Sometimes I am wondering if it is an obligation, or it is what I really want to. While some other friends of mine would be envious of me and tell me how they wish they could be travelling to all sorts of countries over the world, I could only smile.
I feel that I have no control over my life. There are too many things that I must do, liking it is not the priority.
"You can see them everyday in school already, why do you still want to meet up with them during school holiday?"
"You only get to go once a year."
I have no room to defend my will, my interest, what I really want to do.
Maybe things will change once I enter NS.
The idea that NS is just round the corner has been haunting me since the end of last year. I am not afraid that I will be homesick, or I am gonna not get used to staying in the bunks with my sectionmates.
Homesick is not a problem if you don't have a place you call Home.
The place I stay in is called a house.
Home? I will think about it.
My parents' friends always praise my brother and I for being so independent. We can live in singapore without my parents for a few weeks. We can take care of ourselves. Whenever my parents talk about it, I can feel that they are proud of it. And when they tell the aunts and uncles that I can cook for my brother, doing all the house chores till the extent that my classmates tell me to mob the floor during chalet in a joking way, I can only smile, and try to feel proud of it.
It is something, indeed, to feel proud of. I am happy when my peers recognised by decent skills in cookery and doing the household chores. However, these skills don't come without sacrifices. If I had stayed with my parents and my brother in Taiwan till now, I would not have known how to cook a decent meal, and I would not have been deprived of Home.
I am numb, paralysed, ignorant.
I would never re-run the whole of my childhood again. This is it, I am 19 going 20 this year. 20% of my life is gone. There is no turning back, the only thing I can do now is to ensure that my children don't suffer the same as I do. Maybe it is not a suffering in the first place. I don't know, I won't know. No matter, at least that is how I feel.
On top of that, my dad isn't coming to see me off on 10th Jan, 2008.
He is too busy working.
Don't you think people tend to get emo really easily at night, especially when we are alone? There is no one else around you and you are along blog hopping or just slacking on the computer. Emo thoughts feasts on this solitude and manifested like an uncontrolled wild fire.
I think it is just because my brain functions between temperature 15-38 degrees Celsius. It ceases functioning at freezing point.
Thats why I am posting now, back in Singapore.
Count down in Shanghai city. Saw some fireworks, it is pretty.
Fireworks...
Beautiful experiences in 2 years JC are just like fireworks, they appear with a bang, and disappear without a trace. You cannot tell others how wonderful fireworks is, neither could you tell your friends your great experiences in JC.
Even after 2 years of GP education, I still find myself difficult to express myself, especially on such topics.
I miss class outings, seriously. While my friend is telling me how crazy his class is, having 3 class gathering over a time span of a week, I failed to attend one class gathering in a time span of 3 weeks.
Because I am not in Singapore. I am off to see my dad working in China.
Every year my friends will be telling me why I go overseas every time there is school holiday, and my schedule is so packed that my mum will make sure there is no time 'wasted' in singapore during the term break. I couldn't help but to tell them that it is not my decision. I have no influence over the choice to go or not to go China. Sometimes I am wondering if it is an obligation, or it is what I really want to. While some other friends of mine would be envious of me and tell me how they wish they could be travelling to all sorts of countries over the world, I could only smile.
I feel that I have no control over my life. There are too many things that I must do, liking it is not the priority.
"You can see them everyday in school already, why do you still want to meet up with them during school holiday?"
"You only get to go once a year."
I have no room to defend my will, my interest, what I really want to do.
Maybe things will change once I enter NS.
The idea that NS is just round the corner has been haunting me since the end of last year. I am not afraid that I will be homesick, or I am gonna not get used to staying in the bunks with my sectionmates.
Homesick is not a problem if you don't have a place you call Home.
The place I stay in is called a house.
Home? I will think about it.
My parents' friends always praise my brother and I for being so independent. We can live in singapore without my parents for a few weeks. We can take care of ourselves. Whenever my parents talk about it, I can feel that they are proud of it. And when they tell the aunts and uncles that I can cook for my brother, doing all the house chores till the extent that my classmates tell me to mob the floor during chalet in a joking way, I can only smile, and try to feel proud of it.
It is something, indeed, to feel proud of. I am happy when my peers recognised by decent skills in cookery and doing the household chores. However, these skills don't come without sacrifices. If I had stayed with my parents and my brother in Taiwan till now, I would not have known how to cook a decent meal, and I would not have been deprived of Home.
I am numb, paralysed, ignorant.
I would never re-run the whole of my childhood again. This is it, I am 19 going 20 this year. 20% of my life is gone. There is no turning back, the only thing I can do now is to ensure that my children don't suffer the same as I do. Maybe it is not a suffering in the first place. I don't know, I won't know. No matter, at least that is how I feel.
On top of that, my dad isn't coming to see me off on 10th Jan, 2008.
He is too busy working.
sharkfin fullstopped here