44 days.

30 working days

9 days of leave

5 days of off.

16 working days in camp, of which half will be doing ACCT, damn. Suddenly I feel like just "forgetting" to request for the ACCT lessons. Sacrificing one for the benefit of 70 plus specs. Haha. Oh well, you know that is not gonna happen.

I don't know if I can still get my IPPT gold before I ORD, and to pass my SOC. No matter, I will try. next 3 weeks should be pretty carefree except for guard duties, COSes and all the oustanding branch work. Damn. I hope CSM can put me less duties to do since I am the only person left (with one of my understudies) in branch =/

ISC 06/09 has officially ended yesterday. Really happy to be awarded the oustanding award (somewhat equivalent to the best trainee). =) really must thank my syndicate people for helping me when I was holding appointment. All's good, all's good =) Though it is not the end yet. Monday and Tuesday will be back in PLC for another set of lessons. So I guess it is the last time I will see my syndicate people (minus the NSmen, who will be reporting to work on Monday, haha) All the best in your career, Omkar, Valleesh =)

Gonna meet up with some of them later at Bishan to fish prawn. First time doing it.. Exciting.. =)

8:14 PM

I was really glad to be at MAF yesterday evening.

Met up with Jiawei, Xin Wei, Yan Min, Lynette and Marcus for dinner. Reached quite early (though I thought I was going to be late). Talked to jiawei about life after ORD, and that he might be extending. I thought of that too, especially specs now have an increased pay of 20%. After talking to some of my friends, think it is better off for myself if I decide to work outside. Build up my own portfolio.

I think it is really a good time to be on course now, though I am ORDing in less than 2 months time. I had a good chat with the NSmen about how they coped with life after they ORD. Apparently they did not have to worry about the blank window before they go uni.. they ORDed in July (the old 2.5years NSF system). But they cautioned me to start revising my stuffs especially I have the time after I ORD. Environment in Army is too relaxed already. Totally agreed =)

So back to the MAF. I was quite surprised to see so many of the HC (high school) people there. I thought they will probably think "why the hell should I come back for such a lame event". But thinking it through, it is really not about the event.It is about getting together with your classmates, meeting your friends from high school, CCA mates or even Army. Still one conclusion: Singapore is too small.

After MAF went out with Miss Chua and 8 others for a get-together at one of the Mac at AMK centre. really glad that yanzhi and Miss Chua drove. It was so convenient. We didn't have to squeeze with all the crowd at serene centre or KAP. We sat down and chatted for so long that somehow time ticked too fast and I realise it was 2am the moment I looked at my handphone. It was so heart warming to indulge in the life I led 2 years ago. (well maybe not exactly 2 years ago, when we were getting stressed out by prelims and As) today, as Miss Chua told us stories about her current CT, I really felt that I am no longer a carefree teenager already. next year, if I go back HC to teach that it will be 10S6C. Back then I thought my teacher from 02S7x was old. time really flies, 2 yeras in army.

It has been so long..

9:51 PM

In my last lap in National Service, I finally tasted what it feels like to stay out, at least for these two weeks. Not too bad, to be honest, especially if your house is near to the camp. For me, I take one hour to travel to PLC everyday so it is not too bad, nor considered near.

Initially I didn't want to stay out, maybe because I have been leading a stay-in life and travelling is quite a hassle during the rush hours. However, seeing all your course mates booking out, you just couldn't bear to stay in alone. Once, twice, thrice, I am now enjoying staying-out life, but I still enjoy staying-in if my friends stay in. I think stay in is more fun than staying out because you get to stay together with your friends. If you stay out you probably don't feel as close to your friends if you have otherwise stayed in. Staying in can save more money too. It is reallly quite expensive to travel to and fro home and camp everyday.

Starting next week I will be staying in for the remaining two weeks of my course. Finally on to the application side of the course. Not that I hate lectures or love doing hands-on, but I just want to have to chance to apply what I have learnt so far during the course, from my friends who have gone for the course, and other exercises I used to be involved. It is going to be mentally tiring. Hm, shag cannot think? That cannot happen to us.

For the past two weeks most of the time is spent listening to lectures, learning sketching softwares, doing projects. I have learnt a lot during the last two weeks, whether it is army related or otherwise. It is really fun to talk to NSmen. They really know a lot of stuffs (maybe because I have been deprived of civillian life for too long) and their experience in work is really interesting. It is also interesting to talk to regulars from other arms such as SOF, CBR engineer, bridging engineer and fellow SIR units.

Two more weeks to go, 06/09 ISC, Silent Warriors!

9:11 PM

It has been 1 month since last entry. It has been that long..

Today is the day that the second year commanders posted in to my unit. This really brought back memories. One year ago, I was posted in to this unit. With much uncertainty, I completed UIP and got posted to HQ. Never know I could be posted as a staff specialist even though I went through ASLC. I thought all ASLC graduates will be a section commander.

Some of you may not know, I am currently on course at PLC. In fact, today was the start of my course, as well as the day that the new specs posted in. Hence I wont be able to see most of them until after second week of October. I will be able to see my understudy, though, when I end my course on 29 Sep (provided I don't OOC).

It feels really good to be back to PLC, though not SISPEC. But overall I still smell nostalgia. I have been looking forward to coming to this course and hopefully I can make the best out of this. To the NSmen, I think a one month ICT is really long. Considering that as 1/12 of your year, at the age of late 20s already! Feels just like back to serving the army. No wonder they were so concerned about staying out and booking out during the discussion today. heh

I hope during my absence in camp everything will run smoothly, even though I just heard of one screw up today. One time big one, seriously. Not that I like to bitch about people behind their backs. Sometimes it just pisses me off with some of his working attitude. You can be in ORD mood for all I care, but basic things that need to be done must be done, no excuse. You can be more relaxed in terms of regimentation and discipline, but not when it comes to work that can possibly affect the whole battalion.

I thought doing administration work is as basic as a soldier to cleaning his rifle. I was wrong, dead wrong.

Just when I thought this whole episode could come to an end, this screw up just has to come. No transport for training. Nice. Lucky I reminded him about the military vehicle requirements. Otherwise, where are you going to find 5 drivers to drive for you to train on a freaking Sunday?

I wouldn't say it is good that screw up happens. However, this will serve as a wake up call to him to take his work sreiously, though at the cost of 120 people and staying up late until present.

2 months more.

10:57 PM

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Cant find a good reason
Cant find hope to believe in

Drop dead a bullet to my head
Your words are like a gun in hand
You cant change the state of the nation
We just need some motivation
Three times I see no conviction
Just lies and more contradiction

So tell me what would you say
Id say its time (to listen)

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Cant find a good reason
Cant find hope to believe in

Ignorance and understanding
Were the first ones to jump in line
Out of step for what we believe in
But whos left? to start the pleading
How far will we take this
Its not hard to see through the sickness

So tell me what would you say
Id say its time (to listen)

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Cant find a good reason
Cant find hope to believe in

This cant last forever
Time wont make things better
I feel so alone
Cant help myself
And no one knows
If this is worthless
Tell me: so

What have we done
Were in a war that cant be won
This cant be real
I dont know what to feel

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Cant find a good reason
Cant find hope to believe in

So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Cant find a good reason
Cant find hope to believe in

10:56 PM

Back at home after NE3. Many things happened this week. Too much to say, too little time. Just wanna talk about one incident that happened today that disappointed me, and myself.

This was a small incident, but nonetheless, it just shows that it is the people that are screwed up which cause a variety of bane in this organisation.

My main job is to set up and man the water point at the holding area for NDP performing troops (let's call it Area A). Working with me are another spec who wasn't feeling well (so I helped him in his area as much as I could) and a few men to look after the whole area.

We have been doing the same thing for the past five weeks so we were very familiar with our jobscope and timeline to do work. So some of us were able to leave the place to watch the NE show at floating platform today. One of my men and I went, at 1830Hrs.

At 1930Hrs, Superior A called me and informed me that all water point at Area B are to be kept. He requested me to inform the respective OICs in Area B because he didn't have their number. So I informed them, though with a big question mark in my mind because the usual practice was to keep the water point only after the performers leave the area, which is usually 2230Hrs. Hence I got my friends to confirm with Superior A again for the instructions to keep water point at Area B.

I continued watching the show without any disturbances and went back to my place of duty at 2100Hrs.

Just as I was doing a routine area check, I discovered that one of the two cambros is missing at Area A1, ditto for Area A2. Hence I called my men to check where is the two missing water containers. I was getting anxious because the performers would be coming back shortly and the amount of water we had was definitely not enough. Enough complaints from previous weeks so I wanted to avoid being comaplained again. From what I had gathered from the men, Superior B gave the instructions to bring down the two missing containers to Area B because the performers there comaplained about not having water to drink.

We were barely able to support Area A performers with just enough water with the help of Boss A and Superior B. Went around the area so many times just to get everything done and sorted out.

So at the back of my mind was, who gave the instructions to keep the water point at Area B. After checking with Superior A, he told me that Boss B gave the instructions. I didn't want to inform Boss B about the problem my area was facing because of his decision to keep the water points at Area B early.

I was disappointed because as the area OIC, nobody informed me that my water containers had been removed for other uses. Handling the area for the past five weeks weren't for nothing and I knew that four water point is the minimum I need to provide enough water. If I had been informed earlier arrangements could have been done to avoid all the rushing to draw water from Higher HQ and distrubiting to the respective areas.

I don't mind doing the extra work if it is for a good reason. However, the reason why they had taken my water containers was because the performers at Area B complained about not having any water points (which Superior B instructed to be kept at 1930Hrs).

We had practised keeping of water points after 2200Hrs after the performers leave. Why the change today?

Hasn't anyone known that once the water points are collapsed it is very troublesome to re-set up again? It is not by a word of command that the station can be set up in 1 minute.

I could only attribute this incident to as an ill and misinformed decision to keep the water points at 1930Hrs, and failure to reflect to superiors on a possible flawed decision.

We are not running war or operations here, I don't think we should be in a state of absolute compliance.

After the instructions passed through Superior A, Superior B, and finally the OICs of Area B, has no one ever reflected upwards the possible wrong move of tearing down the station at 1930Hrs? I am sure today was not the first time we were opening shop for the performers.

Or the subordinates were simply not bothered or concerned since collapsing at 1930Hrs equated to knocking off at the same time.

Sure they did, they did knock off after 2100Hrs

And they just took water from my side when their guys at Area B complained about not having water to drink.

I totally don't feel respected at all as the IC of my area. I could have, at least, been informed about taking two containers from me. What if I had not done my routine check? It would be a bigger problem.

Tell me, am I caring too much? Have I taken too much unnecessary responsibility into myself. Is my payscale matched by my workload? Why should I bother when no one around me seems to be concerned?

Tell me.

P.S. During this incident, I could have been frustrated and annoyed and my tone will be impolite at times. Hence, if I have offended you in anyway because of the way I speak to you as a superior or subordinate, you have my deepest apologies.

12:33 AM

2 months ago I tried so hard to reach him

to no avail.

Today he shall atone for his sins

and I would pray for the best for him.

12:03 AM

I remembered when we touched down in Singapore after the grueling 3 weeks in Taiwan, the thing in my mind was, "So where am I going after I graduate? What will I be doing? What kind of people will I meet....." endless questions and uncertainties about the future.

During my last week in ASLC, I asked my Section Instructor, "Is it better to go to unit or go BMTC?"

He answered me with a laugh, "Of course unit la!".

Since most of my section mates were hoping to go BMTC, I was more inclined to go BMTC though at the back of my mind I wouldn't mind going unit.

It was a huge shock when 5 out of 8 section mates went BMTC, 2 (including myself) to unit, and 1 at GSAB (which then, we had no freaking idea what that was). I was slightly depressed that I didn't get to go BMTC. Not that I wanted to go BMTC so badly, but only four people from my platoon is going 5 SIR, of whom, I was close to none. The feeling of uncertainty lurked, and when my PWO learned that I was going to 5 SIR, he wished me good luck. That ambiguous comment fueled my insecurity further.

It has been 10 months. We haven't met since as a section. I hope the next outing will work out.

I miss my ASLC guys, my BSLC guys and my BMT platoon mates. Those days that one another were indispensable. Though training was full of shit, tekan and unreasonable demands, we pulled it through with the help of one another. Surely, there were chao keng kias and wayang bastards. There were also who would always appear at your most desperate moments. The sense of togetherness, brotherhood, was all that made the tough get going.

Today, when I see my peers sitting together with their men talking crap during admin time, I felt left out.

It feels like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.

When I talk about this sense of emptiness to my superiors, my Ex-Dy told me,

"You need a great deal of motivation and determination to really do your job properly in HQ because of a lack of recognition. The company line people depend on you guys to look after their training requirements. It is not their nature to thank you for getting things done because that is expected of you. Anything more would be a bonus to them, but less is not an option."

My Ops SGT told me,

"13th Mono was like the peak of my career in army, with my ATGM platoon. Being awarded a total of 3 certificates by ATEC for excellent performance during Stage 2 was a great honour, which would not have been possible with all the men under me. However, I don't think I will do very well this mono in S3 Branch. Just look at how we are being treated."

And one of my spec in HQ told me,

"We are recognised only if we screw up."

Sometimes I wish that there is a device which can make two person switch their roles for a couple of days. I really want to know how it feels to be taking a section, and let those specs at the company line have a taste of what we do.

Maybe, I will be thrown back as a section commander during ORNS, looking at the number of down-graded sect comd at the company line and over-estab of HQ specs.

Have the best of both worlds? Yeah, but you belong to none of the both, a reject of both worlds.

I should just stop thinking so much. After all, everything shall end in 4 months time.

End my torment.

12:14 AM